We’ve lived in Arizona for almost two decades. We’ve been in the same house, a house we built, for that entire time. While we made choices about the structure, the layout, and the interior and exterior options, our house is… just a house. What makes a house a home is what happens on the inside. This is the fifth of 5 blogs in a series called “Building a Home”.

Part 5 = JOY

If I asked you to describe “Joy” in one sentence (without using Google), how would you describe it? My next question is… have you ever been accused of “stealing someone’s joy” or “sucking the joy out of a room”? I’ve had such comments directed at me in the past. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of those comments, you too know they can sting a little. Allowing others to define who we are can be a very limiting experience. What makes it so limiting, is how we choose to respond.

T. D. Jakes says, “It’s not the words we hear that destroy us. It’s the words we believe”.

That got me thinking about what people say. Unfortunately, many people are quick to judge and criticize, yet they’re usually the same people who refuse to accept feedback, no matter how true it is. Their judgment of others is typically based on that other person’s behavior, not his or her feelings. “Joy” is a feeling… an emotion. No matter how we look on the outside, we all have emotions on the inside.

Most emotions are based on responses to events or circumstances, but “Joy”… “Joy” is different. True joy is a choice you make regardless of the situation. I realize how crazy that sounds. However, in more ways than I can describe, I have learned that truth.

Take my vision for example. I could choose to be miserable, sit at home on the couch, collect disability, and think, “Oh, poor me… too bad I can’t see well, or drive, or…” However, I find “Joy” in my life instead. I love my family, my work, my friends, my hobbies, even though at times things are challenging for me.

For example, navigating airports can be a challenge. Yet, I’ve decided to treat it like a game. I may play, “Guess which Gate” to try and figure out where exactly my gate is from the security check point without asking for assistance (Of course, I need to win that game or I’ll miss my flight.). “Follow the Family” gives me a chance to find the right baggage carousel by following a family that also just got off the same plane I was on (Of course, that may mean a few stops along the way).

Is your home a place of joy? I encourage you to ask each person in your household to define “Joy”. Next, pay attention to which emotions are being expressed at home. Also, consider when and why those emotions are being expressed. I’m not suggesting for a moment that your home should be like Disneyland (the happiest place on earth). Life can be an emotional roller coaster of highs and lows based on events and unexpected situations that can bend our emotional resolve. It’s normal to feel different emotions at different times. Once you understand your own emotions, you can focus more on how the people around you are feeling – good or bad. Then, you are better equipped to help them handle what’s going on.

There are those who adopt the “victim” mentality in life. They are the same people who will blame you for robbing them of their joy. Based on some recent medical experiences, I’ve had the rare opportunity to watch others handle unthinkable circumstances with grace and… joy. They aren’t blaming anyone for taking their joy. Instead they’re choosing to find joy where they are.

The other observation I’ve made is that joy isn’t a “one-size-fits-all” emotion. Joy doesn’t always need to be expressed in pure delight or exuberance – though it can. Sometimes joy can be equally, if not more, powerful when expressed as being pleased or content.

After much thought and consideration, I am choosing not to let my past accusers define who I am. Besides, they missed the key to joy anyway. No one can give it to you or take it from you. The absence of joy is bitterness. The presence of joy helps each of us to see our family, friends, co-workers, and the situations in our own lives in a positive light. First, in the comfort of your own home, find your joy. Then, expand your reach and share that joy by helping others to find theirs.