This is the first in a 3 part series about being bullied. I’m not sharing these stories to humiliate nor inspire any bullies. I want to raise awareness about what is really going on in our schools, in the workplace, and on the internet in an effort to reduce bullying in those environments.

In each blog, I’ll identify:
• The different types of bullies
• Steps you can take to minimize the risk of being bullied
• How to overcome the feelings and emotions that result from being bullied

Part 1: THE CLASSROOM BULLY

The U.S. Department of Justice estimates that 160,000 kids per day will skip school for fear of being bullied. Another report by the Department of Health and Human Services reveals that 1 in 3 students will be bullied before they graduate high school. Currently, bullying in schools starts very early, by second or third grade. In my experience, there are different types of school bullies, so let’s take a painful walk down memory lane.

The Physical Bully
No definition needed here. The reality is that when kids enter kindergarten, they are already getting involved in pushing, punching, slapping, and throwing things… like toys, books, or chairs. As I began to explore this topic, I was shocked to find that sometimes the target of this violent behavior is a school teacher or administrator. However, the favorite target for a bully is a vulnerable student.

I remember being in 5th grade. It was the end of a school day, and a 6th grader made fun of my glasses. I used the one weapon I had, my mouth, to respond. Not a good idea. My insult just fueled his fire. He chased me, tackled me, and started punching me in the face and chest. Thankfully a teacher yelled at him from a distance, and he ran away.

In 6th grade, as I was trying to re-enter the building after lunch, another 6th grader and his “crew” blocked me from getting in the doors. They started hurling insults, and refused to let me by. When I finally verbally replied (yes, with a few ill advised choice words), they didn’t like what I said. I tried to turn away and go to a different entrance, and that’s when the bully grabbed my shoulder, spun me around, and punched me in the face. My glasses went flying in pieces, yet I stayed on my feet. The group pushed me to the ground and ran away.

In 8th grade music class, we studied the movie “Tommy.” That week, while I was walking between classes, some kids started calling me Tommy. You know, “that deaf, dumb, and BLIND kid”? Ironically, my hearing is actually very good, my grades were solid all through school (except for junior year of high school, but hey nobody’s perfect), though I guess they got me on the blind thing. Those words didn’t bother me, it was when they acted like pinball flippers and slammed me into the wall of lockers, yeah, that hurt.

In high school, one bully wanted to show off in front of his friends. He came up behind me and dumped my books (pushed the stack of books from under my arm causing them to fall to the ground). Yeah, no backpacks back then. Well, what this unsuspecting bully didn’t realize was that my football playing twin brother John was not far behind. He grabbed the very surprised bully by the shirt and slammed him against a wall of lockers. Maybe not the best solution, but that bully never bothered me again.

The Social Bully
By third grade, kids are using what I’d like to call social bullying. This is a situation where one student is verbally assaulted in front of a group, or that student is publicly excluded from participating with a group in a game, at a lunch table, or even in the classroom.

One vivid memory of social bullying I experienced was during high school. The school newspaper did a story about me that featured all the things I do, even with my limited vision. One part of the article mentioned that I was a songwriter. Well, during one of my classes, a few students started asking, “Hey Jim, did you write Dr. My Eyes… or Blinded By The Light?” “Do you know Stevie Wonder… or Ray Charles?” I just slumped in my chair, and didn’t say a word. Later, I thought about it, and I could have said, “Yeah, and I also wrote I Can See Clearly Now”.

The Bossy Bully
This is a situation where the actual bully has someone else do their dirty work, so they stay out of the spotlight. While involved in a high school youth group, there was this girl that wanted to date me. I wasn’t comfortable with that, and she called my house numerous times (this was way before cell phones) and threatened me saying that if I came to youth group again, I’d be sorry. John and a few of his friends came with me the next week, just to be safe. All night we looked for her, and she wasn’t there. As we left the building, John and his friends were walking near me. This random girl came up and said my name. As I turned to see who it was, she sprayed my eyes with mace, and said that was a message from “Her”. Miss Mace and her Boss Babe were “asked” not to return to that youth group. However, I decided not to go anymore.

To minimize the risk of being bullied at school, the options have changed over the years. When I was a kid, my Dad used to say, “Find the kid doing all the talking, punch him in the mouth, and his crew will disappear”. Of course, you can’t do that now or you’ll be charged with assault. If things get physical, the law allows you to defend yourself, but if it’s just words, just walk away. I thought a humorous comeback might be good, but I learned in college that may not be the best way to handle the situation either.

One of the best ways to minimize your risk of being bullied at school is to be BIG. B=Behave: Treat teachers and other students with respect, do what you’re asked to do during school, and be where you’re supposed to be. If you see out-of-line behavior, instead of trying to intervene, immediately request the assistance of an adult in authority.
I=Involved: Become involved in school activities, organizations, or sports. Most bullies won’t bother kids who are well known on campus. Also, get to know the new kid on the team, so he or she feels like part of the team.
G=Groups: Stay with a group of students. Most bullies prefer to pick on loners. You can even be helpful by sitting with a loner at a lunch table to lower his or her risk of being bullied.

If you or someone you know has been bullied, then you are familiar with the feelings of fear and inadequacy that keep you from doing things you enjoy. You know the emotions of sadness and depression that can limit your joy. You’re not alone. I’ve been there too. While it may seem difficult, keep in mind that the bully’s behavior is not about you. There is some fear or emotion they are dealing with, and you are simply their coping mechanism. That doesn’t make it right, but it will allow you not to take it personally. In addition, there is no shame in seeking professional counseling to begin the healing process.

I am so passionate about this topic that I’ve created a 2 hour interactive session called “Bully Free”. I welcome the opportunity to visit your school, and help create a community where bullying is no longer tolerated.

For more anti-bullying resources, visit the “Resources & Help” page of the American Society for the Positive Care of Children (A.S.P.C.C.) at http://americanspcc.org/bullying/resources/.