This is the second in a 3 part series about being bullied. I’m not sharing these stories to humiliate nor inspire any bullies. I want to raise awareness about what is really going on in our schools, in the workplace, and on the internet in an effort to reduce bullying in those environments.

In each blog, I’ll identify:
• The different types of bullies
• Steps you can take to minimize the risk of being bullied
• How to overcome the feelings and emotions that result from being bullied

Part 2: THE CORPORATE BULLY

While it’s estimated that 1 in 5 employees are bullied at work, the more discouraging finding is that more than 90% of employees witness some type of bullying in the workplace. Unfortunately, most bystanders choose to remain silent. Most employees who are bullied simply try to avoid future run-ins with the bully. In my experience, there are different types of corporate bullies, so let’s take another painful walk down memory lane.

The Physical Bully
Yes, they still exist in the corporate environment. While the number of incidents has declined over the years, this type of bullying is difficult to stop because it’s usually done where and when no one else can witness it. To make matters worse, the victims are reluctant to come forward for fear of retaliation.

I remember my very first job as a bus boy in a local steak house back in Illinois. The bullying I received from my on-the-job trainer was both verbal and physical. He went out of his way to disrupt my opportunities for success, and insulted me every chance he got. My decision to physically defend myself (yup, I punched him right in front of the salad bar) left me looking for work.

Years later, while working as a computer programmer, I resolved a complex issue by developing some creative code. I stayed late to finish, and as I was wrapping up, my project manager came over and questioned my work. After I explained the process, this manager picked up a thick programming code folder, struck me on the shoulder from behind, and said, “I hope you’re wrong!” Well, turns out “we” were both wrong… in thinking nobody else was in the office. Much to the surprise of that manager, the unknown witness reported the incident to upper management, and they approached me about a week later.

The Social Bully
Yup, even in the corporate environment, the social bully exists. Social bullying is much more common than physical bullying in the workplace. Maybe it’s inappropriate or rude comments, gossip, or social exclusion. No matter the technique, it’s embarrassing when you’re the target, and frustrating when everyone else within range just turns a blind ear.

When I first started working in a corporate office environment, I carried a briefcase. One day as I boarded the elevator, a known social bully decided to have a little fun at my expense. I’ve created a fictitious name to represent her.

BULLINDA: (Loudly, so everyone in the elevator heard her): “Jim, that’s a fancy lunch box. It must hold lots of food”.

While I contemplated a witty reply, I elected to do what so many others before me had done, I remained silent which was easy as the executive filled elevator erupted in laughter.

The Bossy Bully
This is a situation where the bully is actually your boss or project manager. Their emotional weapon of choice can be a public verbal brow beating in front of coworkers or a behind-closed-doors deluge. Either way this is management by intimidation, and it just doesn’t work.

I’m reminded of a technical project meeting. There were a few of us from the local team, and we were joined by team members from around the globe via conference call. We were discussing the overly tight deadline, and all of a sudden, the regional manager just exploded. He made “The Wolf of Wall Street” sound like a children’s book. While he was trying to intimidate us, all he did was trash morale. When the meeting ended, as a coworker and I were walking back to our area, I commented, “I wouldn’t talk to my dog that way… and I don’t even own a dog”.

When bullying in the workplace is allowed to continue, most employees do nothing, but hope they’re not the next target. One of the best ways to minimize your risk of being bullied in the workplace is to SIT (notice… I didn’t say “and do nothing”).
S=Speak Up: Become comfortable talking about what’s happening. You may decide to confront the bully directly or talk with management or HR. Maybe the most comfortable approach would be to meet with the bully and a mediator. While these techniques may feel risky, remaining silent won’t resolve the issue.
I=Involved: Get to know some of your coworkers. Even light casual conversation will help build rapport. Become involved in company committees, philanthropy projects, or even sports teams or social events. The corporate bully won’t bother you because you’ll be too busy and very well known. You can even protect new hires by inviting them to join you in one of your activities.
T=Track bullying: Take the time to document each bullying event. Be sure to capture specific information including dates, times, locations, witnesses, and the specific conversation or physical interaction. These details can help when reporting such events by focusing on a pattern of behavior rather than an opinion regarding personality or social skills.

If you or someone you know has been bullied at work, then you are familiar with the feelings of fear and inadequacy that keep you from doing your job to the level you know you are capable. For some employees, these episodes are so emotional that they consider finding a different job. Even in the most positive of corporate environments, bullying still goes on. As a corporate trainer, I’ve witnessed it, and even been the target of it, in my own classrooms. Keep in mind, the corporate bully’s behavior is usually the result of desire for power and you are simply their punching bag when they feel powerless at work. Find out what their goals and talents are, and help them find ways to use them. This will give them something else to focus on. It will also take the focus off of you, so you can begin to overcome the personal impact of being bullied at work. In addition, there is no shame in seeking professional counseling to regain your focus and confidence.

I am so passionate about this topic that I’ve created a 2 hour interactive session called “Bully Free”. I welcome the opportunity to visit your company, and help create a community where bullying is no longer tolerated.