This is the fourth of 7 blogs, each exploring a different element of a successful marriage. Each of these blogs will include a biblical reference that you can look up on your own followed by a comparison between the elements of marriage and the components of a sailboat. Each element also begins with the letter “C” resulting in the name for this blog series.

Part 4: CUDDLING (The Crow’s Nest)

“Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”
Genesis 2:25

There is a peaceful, serine feeling when you are secluded here, where intimate private moments occur without distraction. God has reserved this special time for a husband and wife to enjoy. Sharing your expectations and desires with each other in advance can make this time even more meaningful and enjoyable.

The Crow’s Nest represents intimacy perfectly because your intimate time together is intended as private time between the two of you. I’d like to challenge you as a couple. Not only is your intimate time private, but what happens during that time needs to remain private as well. Too often couples either brag about how great things are or they complain about how horrible they are. In each situation, you are violating that private bond that only the two of you can truly share. Genesis 2:25 reminds us that Adam and Eve “felt no shame”.

I know what you’re thinking… they had no one else to tell. While that may be true, it also contributed to their lack of shame. What if your spouse was standing right behind you and you bragged about your private time or complained about it? How would your spouse feel? If you want to talk about intimacy, talk to your spouse.

I invite you to spend some time sharing your thoughts with each other about intimacy. As you have these conversations, remember that there are two types of intimacy: Emotional and Physical. I’ve separated the questions into those two categories. The questions are intended to get the conversation started, and you can expand your discussion as needed. I’d suggest that you arrange a quiet evening free from interruption, so you can really take your time and focus on this conversation.

CLARIFYING QUESTIONS
C1. What is your definition of Emotional Intimacy?
C2. What is your definition of physical intimacy?
C3. What are the differences between intimacy, affection, and sex?
C4. How have your life experiences shaped your perspective of intimacy?

EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
E1. What do you like most about your emotional intimacy?
E2. When do you prefer to spend emotional time together?
E3. How do you prefer to spend your emotional time together?
E4. Who initiates your emotional time together?
E5. What would you like to talk about more openly?
E6. How do you safeguard your emotionally intimate time together?
E7. What is most challenging for you regarding emotional intimacy?

PHYSICAL INTIMACY
P1. What do you enjoy most about your physical intimacy?
P2. How often would you like to spend physically intimate time together?
P3. Who initiates your physically intimate time together and why?
P4. What triggers or ruins a romantic mood for you?
P5. How do you prevent or handle interruptions?
P6. What limits do you place on sex regarding what, when, or where?
P7. What is most challenging for you regarding physical intimacy?

I encourage you and your spouse to have discussions using the above questions as a starting point. These conversations can feel awkward at first, but your ability to be comfortable with each other on both an emotional and physical level will contribute to your success as a couple. Your opportunities to gain valuable perspectives rely upon your willingness to talk openly and honestly with each other about your expectations and desires.