This is the sixth of 7 blogs, each exploring a different element of a successful marriage. Each of these blogs will include a biblical reference that you can look up on your own followed by a comparison between the elements of marriage and the components of a sailboat. Each element also begins with the letter “C” resulting in the name for this blog series.

Part 6: COMPROMISE (The Boom)

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Notice that the boom can move in both directions. Sometimes the center works, but at other times, moving the boom to one side or the other is necessary to continue on course. In your relationship, you can navigate a steady course by being willing to move a little, or maybe a lot in some cases. Rest assured, you are not giving in or giving up, you are working together.

I love how God tells us through the Bible, “Here’s what I DON’T want you to do, and here’s what I DO want you to do”. When talking about how to love each other, I have rarely attended or conducted a wedding where 1 Corinthians 13 wasn’t quoted at least once. This chapter of the Bible is a perfect description of God’s desire for us and how to get along in our marriages.

Compromise doesn’t mean selling out or giving up. It means working together to reach a decision or conclusion. Yet, the way we speak to each other as husband and wife is usually dictated by what’s going on at the time. When things are going well, it’s easy to be patient and kind. However, when we don’t like how things are going, or we don’t agree with what is happening, do we honor God by putting 1 Corinthians 13 to work, or do we let the heat of the moment ruin an opportunity to persevere? In other words, do we argue, or do we disagree?

When we argue, our goal is to “win”, to change the other person’s mind so they see things our way, and we gain control of the situation. However, this “victory” comes at a high price. By venting, our words become harsh. Waiting to bring issues to the table just amplifies feelings and emotions. Digging up past issues as ammunition will cause even more confusion and anger, leading to future battles. Finally, leaving the issue unresolved doesn’t delay victory, it ensures defeat.

Rather than “fight to be right”, it’s more important to “be clear and persevere”. Accept the fact that you will disagree from time to time. It’s OK to explore a difference of opinion on an issue. After all, you are individuals, with different opinions. Think about it, you are very different than your spouse. It’s your differences that create your strength as a couple. You each bring important elements to the relationship. When you disagree, your goal is to understand each other.

When you disagree, be gentle with your words. The entire conversation will take a different feel. Take the opportunity to work through an issue before it gets out of hand by quickly bringing it to the table. Be sure to focus on one issue at a time. Don’t try to bring symptoms, consequences, or other issues into the conversation. That just muddies the water. Finally, be prepared to forgive each other for any behavior or misunderstanding that caused the disagreement in the first place.

Successful compromise involves understanding your spouse’s position, being open to your spouse’s suggestions, being willing to move a little, and having the “patience” to “persevere”.