This is the third of 4 blogs, each exploring a different element of Special Education.

Part 3: The SPECIAL Parents

Here we are, right between Mother’s Day and Father’s day, and what a perfect time to talk about parents. Parenting is a huge commitment. As we grow up, the roles of our parents change. When we’re infants, they care for our every need. As we grow, they begin to set rules, establish boundaries, and teach us about rewards and consequences. The closer we get to adulthood, the wider our own road becomes, and with it – more responsibility. However, the parent will continue to care for the child into adulthood. I don’t think parents ever stop caring about their own children. That alone makes them special. Then, add to the mix, a child with a physical, mental, or emotional challenge, and you will discover the true nature of a Special Parent.

These parents are usually thrown into the role of Special Parents without warning, not by any choice of their own, but by the miracle of the birth of a child who is different. Yes, every child is unique, yet the challenges facing Special Parents are equally as unique. How they handle the situation, care for that child, and prepare that child for adulthood truly earns them the title of Special Parents.

I’ve always been thankful that I’m a twin, a fraternal twin. My brother has perfect vision, so that difference actually helped my parents discover my eye condition very early on. When they were told that I could only see light and shadows, they each handled the news differently. My Mom was very angry and began to question her faith. My Dad insisted that they’d find a doctor who could do something, and thankfully they did. Mixed emotions are common in Special Parents partially because they realize their “Infant” role of parenting may carry on well beyond their child’s early development years, sometimes into adulthood. Of course, that depends on the specific diagnosis of the child.

With successful surgeries on both eyes before I was 3 years old, I had a little more vision than before. My parents were still very protective, but they began to treat me a little more like my siblings. However, when it was time for me to start school, they still sent me to a different school than my twin, so I could get the help I needed. Reflecting on that decision, I hope all parents are willing to seek the help their children really need. Even when I transferred so I could go to school with John, my parents made sure that I still got the special assistance I needed. It’s probably difficult to admit there is something… different about your child, but turning a blind eye (pun intended) to it, won’t change reality.

Even as I got older, my parents still insisted that I follow the same rules, maintain the same respectful behavior, and suffer the same punishment as my siblings. To this day, my Dad still says that he spanked me a little bit harder… just so I’d know the world wasn’t going to cut me any breaks because of my limited vision. Thanks for the warning Dad. You have prepared me well. My Dad worked very hard to provide for our family, and at the same time, instilled a strong work ethic and solid family values.

Of course, my Mom spent many hours learning Braille when I started school because the Special Ed teacher told her that she’d have an easier time communicating with me later in life. My Mom sat at our kitchen table reading my grade school history books into a tape recorder, to make studying easier for me. She went to countless doctors’ appointments, school meetings, and other events to both assist and encourage me. The sacrifices she made… for me… are humbling to say the least.

Both of my parents gave a lot, and gave up a lot, to raise me… and my 3 siblings. The qualifications for such a challenging job are overwhelming. Of course, discovering you have a child with special needs must be equally as overwhelming. When Barb and I lived in Illinois, the couple next door, Mark and Marsha, had a daughter in a wheelchair. Their house even had an elevator to accommodate a more independent living arrangement. Each time we got together, I watched these Special Parents walk through their daily lives… treating their daughter just like their other 4 kids. They reminded me of my own parents, but through different eyes.

When we moved into that neighborhood, we were just becoming parents ourselves. As a parent, my appreciation for the care, the encouragement, and the unconditional love shown by these Special Parents gave me an even clearer picture of my own Special Parents. If you are a Special Parent, let me remind you of the impact you can make. Yes, it may be difficult at times, and you may have doubts about your child’s future. I know my parents did.

In a conversation shortly before Barb and I got married, my Dad shared that he and my Mom weren’t sure if I’d even finish high school or go to college. Well, I graduated from high school, and when I finished college, I graduated with a double major. Thinking back on that conversation, it hit me. While they had doubts, they had never shared them with me. In spite of those doubts, they had an even stronger commitment to helping me succeed, no matter what that might look like.

Care for your child in every way necessary, raise him or her as you would your other children, and love them unconditionally. Don’t give up. Instead of dwelling on their limitations, learn what those limitations are, so you and your child can explore their abilities and discover their opportunities for success. If you are a Special Parent, on behalf of your child, “Thank you for your commitment!”