“Tis the season”, the song proclaims, “To be jolly”. However, this year I feel like I could rewrite this holiday favorite. “Tis the season… to be angry”.

Is it just me, or do most people seem a little less patient and little ruder this holiday season? It makes me want to sing, “Ruder the red nosed shopper”. Yet, it’s not just holiday shoppers in the stores, restaurants, or parking lots. It’s the employees too. Like an old holiday candle, everyone seems to have a short wick this year.

I realize that this can be a difficult time of year for those who struggle with the loss of a family member or friend because the holidays amplify that loss. That sadness is normal. What I’m seeing and hearing isn’t sadness, its anger and frustration.

A few days ago, I walked into a donut shop and asked to speak to the manager. The woman at the counter walked in back, and I actually heard the conversation. What some people may not realize is that while I don’t see well, I’ve worked on my hearing and listening.

WOMAN (in the kitchen, to the manager): “Hey, there’s a guy out there who wants to speak to a manager.”

MANAGER (with a very loud sigh) “OK”.

As she walked to register where I was standing, I could feel the tension. Since I’m working on paying more attention to facial expressions (others’ and mine), I smiled the biggest smile I could and tried to reassure her that this was not going to be a bad conversation.

ME (smiling like Buddy the Elf): “Hi, first of all, everything is fine. I’m not here to complain.”

Her shoulders dropped, and the stern look on her face began to turn to a slight smile. I continued.

ME: “I actually have a very strange question. I’m a corporate trainer. I create videos for a bunch of trainers across the U.S. and Canada. I’m wondering… would it be possible for me to shoot a short video in your store?”

MANAGER (letting out an awkward yet relieved laugh): “Oh, that’s cool. Unfortunately, I can’t make that decision. You’ll need to call my district manager for approval.”

She wrote down a name and phone number on a business card and handed it to me. As I walked out, I reflected on her original reaction when she was back in the kitchen. I then began to think about other stories I’ve heard this holiday season of how a driver looking for a parking space yelled at people talking by their cars because they were, in his words, “Hogging all the good spaces”. Another driver yelled because a shopper returning a cart from the parking lot, “Almost hit his truck”. In still another situation, a department store manager started yelling at a cashier because none of the cashiers knew how to handle accepting a check at the register.

The reality is that we let our expectations of the “Perfect” holiday, or the “Perfect” gift, turn us into the Grinch. Take the perfect gift for example:

It’s not too expensive
Yes, money, or the lack of it, this time of year stresses people out. There was a story on the news the other day that said most people budget for holiday gifts, yet they usually go over budget year after year.

It fits
When it comes to clothing, this feature becomes extremely important. Besides, if you buy an item that’s too big, you may insult that person (but 100% cotton items really do shrink). It also needs to fit that person’s personality. Ask yourself, “Would the person I’m buying for actually wear this?”

It’s just what they want
Sometimes we buy gifts because we like them instead of thinking about what the other person will like. If you simply listen more closely, most people you shop for will share with you what they really want throughout the year. This has helped me shop very successfully for my wife Barb.

It’s exactly what they need
Socks are a perfect example, and, ironically, they make a great stocking stuffer. If I find a pair of Wizard of Oz socks for example, I know Barb will like them, she usually wears socks, and socks wear out. Sometimes other people don’t realize what they really “need” because they’re in the situation rather than objectively watching it from the outside.

What if I tell you that there is one “Perfect” gift? It won’t cost you any money. It always fits no matter the situation. Everyone wants to receive it, and I assure you, everyone needs it. That gift is… kindness. We all expect it, yet it seems so difficult to give.

To make it easier, become selfish and selfless at the same time. I know that sounds strange, but think about it. How do you feel when someone is kind to you? Why not help others feel that same warmth too? The best part is that this “Season of Kindness” can last all year if each of us is willing to give it abundantly.